I wish that I can quite my mind about all the things I worry about. With so many things going on and with uncertainty about the future, it’s hard to just sit down and think about what I am thankful for. I worry about what could be and not what is. So let me take a deep breath, close my eyes, and reach deep within….
You know what, the lights are on, but nobody is home lol. I think it’s because I basically control everything in my little world. So for this, I am thankful that I haven’t totally lost my mind. I am thankful that up until now, I have my health. I am thankful for my job because without it, I could not have supported my family. It seems that everyday, I have to look beyond my troubles and look at the bigger picture, the future of my children. Just because my life may have been shitty in some areas, it doesn’t mean Justice and Jasmine’s lives has to be the same. I have an opportunity to make things better.
So I am thankful that I have had the means to give Justice and Jasmine some life experiences at an early age. They have traveled to more places at their age, then in the start of my first 20 years. While they may not remember all our travels, their smiles and laughter is good enough for me. Whether we are visiting Apple Hill or the wineries of Napa, they understand that their are more places than just our home or the gym. They are old enough now to at least tell me when they are happy or not. This I am thankful for. I am thankful that they too have their health. Other than their dairy and wheat allergies, I know it could have been worse. I am thankful that is it not.
I am also thankful that I have not given up hope in the future. As I sit here in my own darkness, I still think about the brightness of the future. I doing so, I have to mentally analyze my day-to-day actions and the impact it has to my family. This is probably the hardest thing in my life right now. The slightest inconsistency could throw everything off balance. Whether it be my spending habits or how I empty the dishwasher, everything has a chain reaction. I am thankful for being consistent so far.
God help me to get through the rest of the year. You know what’s in my mind and heart. May I have the patience and love to do your will.